Saturday, March 26, 2016

Easter Pike Fishing Competition



Despite the somewhat inclement weather, some great fish caught today.
The current leader board looks like this
1st - Vincent Smith - 24lbs
2nd - Fidelma Fallon - 19lbs 4oz
3rd - Michael Hughes - 19lbs
Junior Prize
Jack Darby - 7lbs 4oz

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I got some good news on Tuesday last. I was informed that due to the expected adverse weather conditions this coming weekend, the fishing may be cancelled. To my utter dismay, the powers that be decided to run the event, not taking into consideration that I am a soft lad with no tolerance for this type of weather conditions.
Are they f*****g mad???
I made sure I was suitably attired this year, as I lost a good pair of suede boots a few years ago. I put in a claim to the club for a replacement pair but the club tell me it is still “under review”. I am not hopeful but my solicitor continues to charge me.
This is the 11th year since I have been employed by Boyle & District Angling Club (Why don’t they just called it Boyle Fishing Club????) to carry out the I.T. duties. I was away one of those years so this is actually my 10th anniversary. It feels like 50!!!
Upon arrival, the place was “dubh le duine” (black with people, for those with poor Irish). That’s the only Irish I ever learnt from Gus Gannon (Legend). I enquired to Tom Commons as to where my private parking space was. There was none. I was instructed to take my grievance to the ex-Chairman (They finally got rid of him!) John Gallagher. Fat chance of getting any change there, so I kept my big fat mouth shut for once.
Jordan Maye is still being employed in the kitchen, despite brazenly drinking whilst on the job last year. This year he had to get a new kitchen hand and despite a long and arduous interviewing procedure, he ended up with Daniel Cox. This is a blatant form of cronyism. Has Jordan no shame????
I’m not sure if Daniel’s hipster hairstyle will be appreciated by the fishing fraternity. They could use it as some form of bait, me thinks. I do notice that later in the day Daniel has taken to wearing gloves. Soft Lad. Bring back Ann!!!!!!
Daniel did redeem himself later when he brought some Hot, well warm Jameson to both myself and Jordan. And Jenny, it was Daniel who broke the flask, not me or Jordan.
It was a gesture that I appreciated greatly, as I was f******g freezing. And I was indoors!!!
Jordan serves me my breakfast with full fat coke, as is the tradition. He jokes that he is trying to kill me with the coke, knowing that I am a diabetic. I actually don’t think he is joking.
It has emerged that both Stewart Connolly and John Ferris have yet again been denied entry to this year’s competition. I spoke to both of them and they blamed the wives, not the committee.
Fishing itself starts at 11AM, Around 12:30 there is an almighty downpour. Being a sadistic b*****d, I chuckled to myself about these poor souls out getting soaked to the skin. Only John Keenahan complained. No surprise there then. The rest seemed to be immune to the weather as they carried on regardless.
As regards the actual leader board, currently Vincent Smith from Ballaghaderreen leads the way with a fish of 24lb even. This fish is actually 24lbs heavier than the total of Liam Mitchell’s catches. Ah well Liam, there is always tomorrow. Y.S.B.
On a final note for today, could the DJ, Philip Craig play anything post 1930. You are not in Ballinafad now buddy. Thanks.
See you tomorrow. Kevin Gru Hickey...

There is a Frenchman dancing in my head this morning. All self inflicted. The pain was exaggerated due to the fact I got an hour less drink fuelled sleep.
I arrive at Doon Shore and whilst most people’s thoughts are on the day’s fishing ahead, my mind is elsewhere.
You see, I have an 8 year old and Easter Eggs is all she is interested in at the moment.
The conversation goes like this.
Amber – “How many Eggs am I getting?”
Me “One”
Amber “ONE???ONE????” “This is the worst Easter ever”
Me “There are children in Africa who won’t get even one”, I protested.
Amber “Well if you are that concerned, why don’t you buy one and post it out there. Am I only worth one Egg??”
Cue meltdown. From me, not her.
The weather this morning is, as expected, awful. But this does not deter our merry band of fishermen and women (Gender equality alive and kicking here). Jordan Maye sidekick Daniel Cox has failed to turn up this morning. Jordan is apoplectic with rage over Daniel’s non-appearance. It is a disgraceful dereliction of duty by Mr. Cox. Aoife Commons is drafted in by Jordan and within minutes has done more than Daniel did all day yesterday. Aoife then proceeds to bully poor Jordan into actually working. He takes the harassment at work well.
The music is not much better than yesterday. In fact it’s actually worse. There are only so many times I can listen to that f*****g Wagon Wheel song without reaching for the valium. Like NONE!!
It isn’t funny. It never was funny and it sure as hell will never be funny. Anyone who likes this "song", and I use the word "song" in it's broadest sense, should be brought out and shot. Multiple times.
Word reaches the shore that Eamon Conroy is missing. He may indeed have been kidnapped. After much discussion it is decided not to dispatch a search party. If Eamon does not reappear, I personally will be devastated. I will miss that every time Man United lose (which is regular occurrence nowadays), Eamon waits for me to pass the house so as to level a torrent of abuse in my direction. Happy Days indeed.
Liam Mitchell has arrived. I haven’t seen him, but I can definitely bloody hear him. He still has caught nothing. Same story every year.
Jordan Cleary yesterday, seems to have taken a little swim for himself. Fully clothed. His long suffering mother Gillian Cleary, was less than sympathetic. I think what she said rhymes with “mucking mollocks”.
I notice the young Keville lad is stilling revving the shite out of his Quad this year. Does he not realise it is 3 strikes and you are out with me? He is also guilty for playing "Wagon f*****g Wheel" constantly. This boy is on thin ice.
Since this post is allegedly about fishing, I should inform the readers of how the fishing went.
Well, they went out in their little boats and then later in the day they came back in their little boats, albeit a little colder. That’s about it really. Oh yeah, some guy nearly won it with a big fish, but then some other guy caught a bigger fish and he won it. Amazing. Riveting.
See you next year. I can’t wait!!!!!
PS - I sincerely hope that Philip Craig gets the hospital treatment he so desperately requires after his battle with a 1lb 14oz fish.

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